It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
