theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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