When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
