can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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