so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
