I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
