we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
