And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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