girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
