your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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