I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
