you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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