sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
