got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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