The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
