I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
