his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
