Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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