I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
