at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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