But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize