i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
