i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm both gender and math confused
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
