You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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