i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
