so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
