I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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