Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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