So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
