Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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