I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
