Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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