i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize