Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
