I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
