So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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