K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
