found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
