I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
