dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
