He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
