maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
zippers are such a cool invention
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
