and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
