Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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