dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to calm my uterus...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
