what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
