I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
