Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
