u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
