You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
