I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
