when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize