i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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