its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
