I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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