I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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