Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
