Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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