in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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