Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
