So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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