he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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