Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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