Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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