doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
