I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
