I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
