So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize