According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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