Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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