guys are not supposed to queef...right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
