Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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