Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
