Will you blow on my dice?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I touched a dick in church today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
