Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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