Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
