He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
