Little spoons don't ask big questions
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
