her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
