The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
