Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
