do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please come you make the beer taste better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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