yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
