I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
