gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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