That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
