I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
