So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
wow bdsm is so cute
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
