Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize