I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
