Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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