if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
