I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
