I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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