my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
