I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize