I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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