We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
